Guilt – by definition when used as a noun, a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, ect…
Or when used as a verb it can be more manipulative. It can be used to cause someone to feel guilty. A word similar to guilt…criminality. A word opposite of guilt…innocence.
Yep! Toss that around for a second then sit and console yourself for feeling all the things you feel guilty of.
Tonight I find myself feeling guilty of running out of time. Although my mother and I were able to talk this morning on the phone, I relish touching base with her in the evenings to get one more check up on her daily blood pressure and heart rate stats. Plus, I can tell just by hearing her voice if she truly feels as good as she discloses.
But tonight, my “mommy duties” at home led me in the directions of High Point Village, The Dance Gallery and 88 Keys. As I was scurrying around Lubbock, Texas with my three blessings embracing each conversation and coveting every moment; the time ticked by quickly.
Time I will never get back with them. Time I hope, I will always remember. Time I hope, they will always cherish.
Although that time was precious to me, in the back of my mind, I was aware that my mother, five hours away, in Santa Fe, New Mexico, was probably getting ready to fall asleep and I didn’t want to take the chance of waking her. I missed out on one opportunity tonight and for some odd reason, I felt guilt. Not by definition. By disappointment in myself because of mismanaging my time…I guess.
I’m hopeful my light shined in our conversation this morning. I’m hopeful I wasn’t too tired to “GLOW” while taxing my children around town tonight. God gives us brief moments in time to spread His light whether it is through a phone call, a smile, a gesture, an action…
I’m sure I didn’t actually run out of time tonight. I’m sure there could always be more time. More opportunities. I’m also sure God didn’t create guilt!
Looking forward to a good night of rest. Thankful for forgiveness.