Mother’s Day 2015.  The goal we set when we ventured on this journey of blogging after watching Julie and Julia 152 days ago.  I was to call her every day through Mother’s day 2015 which happened to be 152 days away from the day we made our “deal” if you will.

It gave each of us a goal but the main one was for Mommy to live to see Mother’s Day.  For us to share another one together.  As Mothers.  So today is day 152.  If I called her, she wouldn’t answer. She couldn’t.  I can still hear her voice though.  I have three saved messages on my voice mail.  One in December.  She is high spirited about the Christmas tree I picked out.  Another in January.  Her voice is a little weaker as she is telling me happy birthday. Another in February.  She can barely talk but she described in detail a dress that was stolen after the Oscars. Impressive considering her memory had failed her greatly.

I’ll never speak to her again after the evening of March 17, 2015.  We talked for quite a long time that evening.  She passed away two days later on the morning of March 19th.

It doesn’t seem real that she is no longer on this earth.  I keep waiting for a call from her or a chance to go visit her just one more time.

She was young.  Only sixty-six.

I didn’t expect the pain to be so deep. The way it impales my soul when I least expect it and the uncontrollable tears start to flow.

If only she knew how much I truly loved her.  If I only realized how much I truly loved her. I  should have cherished more, salvaged more, created more time, more memories, more forgiveness.

Mommy Hands

But the final four months of her life were such a gift to both of us. From the very minute Jim called to tell me she was in the hospital, my instincts kicked in to let go and simply go take care of her.

The feelings came back from long ago like when it was just the two of us for so many years. We were there for each other back then. In an instant, nothing had changed.

But why we waited so long I’ll never understand. Maybe our story will help others. Inspire others to let go of whatever is holding them back. Just be open for the plan God has for today.

Treasure it.

Get ready for the ride.

Hold on.

There may not be a tomorrow.

Philippians 4:7

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

~Blessed by the memories